"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, "Well, technically that's illegal." It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."
"I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake!"
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money.""
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
Sometimes, when I'm working at the shipyard, I like to take Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts and put them to song. It works really good with ABBA, but not so much with Britney, because I always have left over words, and have to sing it real fast.
I remember when Jack Handey's quotes were expressed on Animaniacs or whatever that show was called. Take this Handey - If there is an Area 51, then doesn't that mean there are at least 50 other Areas in the world? Where the heck are they, and what makes Area 51 so special?
You're much too kind. No, I do not. It's just that Jack seems to be able to look right into our very souls. So I've started lowering my shades all the way, and that helps some.
this reminds me of when I was a small child, about 6 years old... lets see, im 49 now and this was about... let me find my calculator... hold on a sec... about 40 years ago I guess... this is january of 08... I might have have been 8 or 8 and a half. lets see I was born in december, I know that for sure; at least thats when we celebrated my birthday when I was a small child.I think it was summer, so i would have been about 8 years and six to 8 months. the wind was out of the south, so it had to have been summer...no wait it was september and the wind was kind of from the west a little. if you were there facing kinda north, but a little to the west too, there was a cloud to my left and above me (obviously above me), but a real distinct cloud with little circular edges on the left or right side... hold on a second...no someone was telling me about this... what the hell was i talking about
21 comments:
I have plenty of weaknesses. I can see his point if I focused on my weaknesses all of time it would soon become a crutch.
If fish have scales and travel in schools - are they smart enough to know how much they weigh?
If fish have scales and travel is schools - are they smart enough to know how much they weigh?
wha?
here's some of the best ones:
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, "Well, technically that's illegal." It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."
"I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake!"
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money.""
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
The Face of a Child says it all. especially the mouth part.
So True that! ;o)
If trees screamed would we still cut them down? Maybe we would if they screamed all the time for no reason!
I have the mind of a small boy - I keep it on my desk in a little jar.
I think Steven King said that one.
I don't even wake up without checking Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts!
thank goodness! I've been copy/pasting them into a Word document to make a storybook with someday. NOW I can add this as a link on my blog!
“A deep thought is merely provoking one to ponder for a second time something that was already established as mediocre.”
“You know what would be a deep thought? DEFINING a deep thought!”
Sometimes, when I'm working at the shipyard, I like to take Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts and put them to song. It works really good with ABBA, but not so much with Britney, because I always have left over words, and have to sing it real fast.
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation,but not Jack
Well said, anon.
It is Jack ability to be his own man that makes me want to follow in his footsteps.
Well said, anon.
It is Jack ability to be his own man that makes me want to follow in his footsteps.
STOP MOCKING ME!
I remember when Jack Handey's quotes were expressed on Animaniacs or whatever that show was called. Take this Handey - If there is an Area 51, then doesn't that mean there are at least 50 other Areas in the world? Where the heck are they, and what makes Area 51 so special?
I have yet to find the other 53 Studios. But then, I haven't been everywhere, have I?
No. I haven't.
vera carp, you write jack's material don't you? pure genius.
You're much too kind.
No, I do not. It's just that Jack seems to be able to look right into our very souls. So I've started lowering my shades all the way, and that helps some.
this reminds me of when I was a small child, about 6 years old... lets see, im 49 now and this was about... let me find my calculator... hold on a sec... about 40 years ago I guess... this is january of 08... I might have have been 8 or 8 and a half. lets see I was born in december, I know that for sure; at least thats when we celebrated my birthday when I was a small child.I think it was summer, so i would have been about 8 years and six to 8 months. the wind was out of the south, so it had to have been summer...no wait it was september and the wind was kind of from the west a little. if you were there facing kinda north, but a little to the west too, there was a cloud to my left and above me (obviously above me), but a real distinct cloud with little circular edges on the left or right side... hold on a second...no someone was telling me about this... what the hell was i talking about
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