Have you experienced this?

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

–Jack Handey

Comments . . .

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

–Jack Handey

Tell about your memories . . .

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

–Jack Handey

Thoughts?

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

–Jack Handey

All right - let's have it. . . comments anyone?

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

–Jack Handey

Update!!

Sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was having some computers problems!!