Discuss your favorite Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
I'm going to start putting this into practice!!
No kidding - very convenient when the wife gets home from Costco.Hmmmm....
Who said the sacks had to be full. They just need to appear full. I think I can handle that
...and once you get tired of holding the sacks, you come panting and sweating up to someone and ask, "Hey, can you give me a hand?"Then you see that he is carrying two sacks just like you.
I was struggling with two sacks, and then my best friend Durbin said, Vera, why don't you carry one in one hand, and one in the other? We laughed and laughed, and then I tried it and it worked.
i usually say "sorry i'm carrying a large sack and i have to because i was born with it."
everyone everywhere: carry two sacks!
An alternative is to fill the sacks with something heavy; and when somebody says "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you hit him over the head and leg it.
Not too long ago I was buying some paper bags to put my lunch in, and when I got to the counter, the checkout girl asked me, "paper or plastic?" I said "Young lady, can't you read?", and she just looked at me, as some cashiers do.
This happened to me in the grocery store the other day. I'd gone through the checkout and remembered one thing I forgot. So carrying two heavy bags I set off speed walking through the store to find it. Suddenly a kid came out of nowhere and started running after me yelling, "Mommy I want this!" holding up some toy. I turned around and the kid immediately started screaming/crying "where's my Mommy?!?"I just kept going.
Somewhere... a child is crying.
I feel silly....
...and I feel light headed, but that doesn't stop me. This is too important!
I feel like Hal in A Space Odyssey.With each comment I read I can feel my intelligence.... leaving.Vera... what are you doing Vera...Stop that Cravacious.... I can feel it.... I can feel it.......Daisey........ Daisey.... tell.. me.. your............ ans ....wer . . .. .. true ...
Mr. Bowman! You're quite beside yourself!My I suggest hitting the eject button on your dvd thingy and taking a fast, brisk walk! That's what my Uncle Seymour would do every evening after the 6 o'clock news. He'd walk and recite the entire newscast out loud to himself.Intelligent? Heavens, no! He was crazy as a loon! And that's when I realized intelligence is, yes, a harsh mistress. But I did enjoy the commercials.
Yes, I am quite beside myself Vera.But you.... you make me laugh so hard the others.... (there are others?)around me think I'm quite mad.You are a delight! We must NEVER meet!Is it the height of patheticness that I find our (your) comments the highlight of my day?Or is it merely sad, like, such as, the poor people of America and the Iraqs that don't have maps and subsequently cannot locate the United States ON a map?
That great veil of sadness could be lifted with subsidized GPS, Mr. bowman. The constant parade of people wandering aimlessly through my yard makes it terribly difficult to hang laundry.I'm glad you find me delightful. I will cling to that thought while attempting to untangle foreign nationals from my pillow cases. (I simply refuse to use my clothes dryer on a sunny day.)
Ms. Carp I'm afraid that constant parade of foreign nationals will only grow longer if we put even one more thing in that subsidized Welcome Wagon basket for them.In the short term a good quality cling-free sheet may get them out of your pillow cases.And a double-thick electric fence around your property may also help.Stay in that sunshine Ms Carp...
Dearest Mr. dave bowman said-My power bill is high enough as it is!
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