We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
– Jack Handey
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16 comments:
Either way, I couldn't do what the bird does.
About 30%, but who's counting?
Actually, the little avians are falling!!!
No sooner do I praise one bird for flying, then another one goes by, and I feel compelled to be fair, and- well, you can see where this is going. I'll NEVER get my laundry done.
What about humming birds? Those suckers can flap.
I praise most birds part of the time, but not when they poop on my car. I mean that's just gross. Have some class you birds.
My, Miss said said, before you burn a bridge with your bird, may I suggest this? It's my thought that your bird isn't actually aiming at your vehicle, but the natural inertia of being released while in flight carries the, well, let's call it a sugar cookie... the "sugar cookie" to where it comes to rest... a bit further than where it was released. So you see... it's not really the bird's fault at all!
When I was younger I would run like crazy to the kitchen to get some of those "sugar cookies." yum, yum. I never did figure out where they came from.
Those birds in Hitchcock's The Birds, were ... not that innocent. The little flying beasties.
Those were movie birds, Mr. Stoogley, but they were certainly real enough looking to fool anyone, so don't you feel embarassed!
(And Mr. Anonymous, someone needs to keep their hand out of the cookie jar...)
Movie birds? There's movie birds???
Vera Lee... I say! I am like soooo
embarrassed!
Not real??? I am so relieved!
But which do I feel more?
I think relieved, because how embarrassed can I feel when I know there's someone out there who would describe bird shit as 'sugar cookies'?
Your layman's term for the natural discharge of our flying friends, quite frankly, Mr. someguy said, has me at a bit of a recoil. Now, I'm certanly no prude, Mr. someguy said. I can prance about on the levee as good as the next eggnog engourged troubadour, but my simple upbringing requires a bit more self respect!
So... if "sugar cookie" seems awkward, perhaps you can substitute "raspberry compote" or "languid tortilla". Either is acceptable in mixed company.
"Prance about on the levee"?
... you're a Jersey girl aren't you Vera.
Mr. Anonymous!
We DO have levees in Louisiana, too!
Well, NOT ANYMORE.
(That was crude and distasteful, and I apologize to everyone.)
There was a time, not so long ago, when there would be no need for apologies.
We had the right to be offended and took it like men.
Unless we were women.
And then, did you take it like women, Mr. Anonymous said?
An apology is often just another way of saying "my mind was on that little drop of saliva that kept bouncing on your lower lip as you spoke to me and I could think of nothing else."
So the next time someone says to you, Oh, I'm sorry", you might want to reach for a moist towelette, Mr. Anonymous said.
Yes... a towelette, not the entire towel.
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