Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
– Jack Handey
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14 comments:
You can never be to sure in today's world.
Gee - I'd sure like to do this to some telemarketers!
Have you ever tried this at church with you pastor when he comes up to ask your doing? - - I did - He didn't like it very much.
I remember, when I was in the 6th grade, Lydia Schmit started asking a lot of questions in math class one day, and that's exactly what Mrs. Johnson did to her.
Well, we took care of Mrs. Johnson pretty quick.
Mrs. Johnson had it coming.
What did you do to Mrs. Johnson?
... I don't like the sound of this at all. Lydia's the one who had it coming if you ask me!
Let's just say Mrs. Johnson won't be darning any more socks anytime soon, if you know what I mean...
And I'd leave Lydia out of this. Accidents can happen, Mr. My Other Head Said. Yes. Accidents... can... happen...
(don't say you haven't been warned...)
I've already said too much.
I'm afraid Aunty Em... I'm afraid!
I was, too! Especially after a Hungarian fortune teller told my niece that Aunty Em spelled backwards is mE ytnuA, which is the Aztec pronunciation for the word that means "Spectacles of the Sun".
Oh, I'm sorry. That's "Testicles of the Sun!"
How silly it all seems now, when I think about it.
Vera... I don't know if I'm more shocked or awed by your earthy references.
If you need me I'll be trying to gouge that image from my mind's eye.
Momma always told me not to stare into the sun... what she never told me.... (gouge, gouge....)
I fear you have fallen into the abyss.
"Hope is the thing with feathers"...
... I am without feathers.
Can you get a good steak in the abyss?
I'm afraid nearly everything in the abyss comes adorned with that dreadful convenient store nacho cheese sauce. I'd avoid the abyss, and proceed straight to the cravass.
But, please- follow your own heart.
Is there then no hope at all Ms Carp?
Even the abyss has been swallowed up by a soulless fast-food chain?
Well, we'd better hope they offer enough slurpies to wash that nasty cheese sauce down.
And as for your well meaning advice... I've always followed my heart... but this time it lead me to Ms. Vera Carp.
.... please advise. And don't spare the soldering iron... I can take it.
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